Life with Mary Jane – Bust

News just in! Cops in the Western Province have busted a massive dagga dealing ring.

Police in the small town of Akunamatata (just 25km’s from Cape Town) could not believe their luck when a tipoff about someone driving suspiciously well lead them to the home of a young couple who were growing crazy amounts of ganja. “This is the most police action we’ve seen since Eugene fell of his horse and the local 1 man AWB group went into full revolt, leading to a broken window and Tannie Van Der Merwe’s roses being trampled when the hysterical Nazi wannabe was tackled to the ground and restrained”, said the local SAPS spokesperson Lieutenant Shambles.

“When we got to the house, we could smell that something wasn’t right. The place smelled cheesier than a week old Spur Cheddamelt special”. Suspicious about the neat upkeep of the garden and general pleasantness of the house, police quickly obtained a warrant then kicked down the front door of Mr and Mrs Ponics’ residence. They found approximately “R 5 million worth of dagga and R 1 million worth of growing equipment”. Upon closer inspection by the SAPS Criminal Investigation Unit, it was verified that the dagga and growing equipment found were in fact a half empty bag of Woolies salad and a double door LG fridge.

Not to be outwitted, Captian Nkosi Noseofdahound could not shake off the prevailing cheese aroma in and around the house. So a further 15 cop cars and 3 helicopters were called in to quarantine the property. After a 5 hour, 30 man and 10 sniffer dog dagga scavenger hunt, the culprit of the odor was found. Growing in the cupboard under the kitchen sink were not one, but two dagga plants! Mr and Mrs Ponic had rigged up a sophisticated dagga lab from three compact fluorescent light bulbs, a motor vehicle windshield protector and a two liter ice cream tub. Authorities believe the two dagga plants to be an especially strong strain of dagga commonly referred to as “Cheese”, which was created by crossing Malawi Gold with a particularly aggressive Maltese Poodle and chalked up the ingenuity of the growers to them “watching too much MacGuyver”.

When asked about the significance of this bust, Cape Town Mayor Patricia Da Thrill had this to say: “Today signifies the payoff for all the millions of rand we have spent to beat the Devil’s lettuce into extinction. I would like to thank the hardworking staff of the South African Police service for the many hours spent and fingernails broken in bringing this multibillion rand drug cartel to its knees. Now if only those pesky farmer workers would stop striking so much, my wine supply is running worryingly low”.

A special awards ceremony has scheduled for the Akunamatata police team in recognition of the hundreds of lives they have saved by preventing the total bust sum of 15g of Cheese from hitting the streets.

Mr & Mrs Ponics have however in the meantime been released and all charges dropped due to the evidence having gone missing. Calls by our special reporting unit to the Akunamatata police station regarding this have gone unanswered, although there was a moment when the phone was answered and the only sound heard was surprisingly similar to a mega bong hit.

We can only surmise that the absence of evidence in the case will now become one of those great South African mysteries, like “What does Jacob Zuma keep in his secret bunker?” or “How many children does Steve Hofmeyer really have?”.

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About the Author: Buzz

Aspiring cannabis connoisseur who is unable to contain his frequently imploding thoughts, therefore sharing them with you on his quest for enlightenment, or The Force, whichever comes first. Buzz is also is in charge of the day to day runnings at the BTL Headshop.


22 Responses so far

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  1. Smokey McPot says:

    whahaha and for 15 g 3 choppers and 30 men wow thats a real worth while bust that money well spent POPO whahaha.Glad to hear evidence went missing and they got off Good Job

  2. Campster says:

    “Fools are my theme, let satire be my song.”

    -Lord Byron

  3. peanut24 says:

    “A special awards ceremony has scheduled for the Akunamatata police team in recognition of the hundreds of lives they have saved by preventing the total bust sum of 15g of Cheese from hitting the streets. ”

    Seriously that is ridiculous

  4. Dubbed Marley says:

    What a joke, “After a 5 hour, 30 man and 10 sniffer dog dagga scavenger hunt, the culprit of the odor was found. Growing in the cupboard under the kitchen sink were not one, but two dagga plants!”

    Two plants !! Thats a huge bust !! SAPS need to go catch some real criminals !!

  5. OscarGrouch says:

    *Massive sigh, followed by facepalm*

  6. Dubbed Marley says:

    ^^ With a week old Spur Cheddamelt special !!

  7. Smokey McPot says:

    this was to funny had a good laugh this morning and still chuckling

  8. Campster says:

    I really don’t see how you can be high enough or stupid enough to believe this was a real bust. For fuck sakes guys, the slow stoners sterotype is supposed to be a myth -.-

  9. tielman says:

    Hey Buzz was there anyone literate enough among the Po-lice to take a statement?

  10. eM says:

    HAHHAHAHAHAHHAAH.. Whahahahhaah Its so funny because most of it is true :D

  11. 4sak3n says:

    Whilst prey to the ever present danger of that pest called the Demon of the Literal, satire is always a delicious undertaking, both to read and to write. Pile it on thick brother Buzz! :)

  12. Cheezzz says:

    Hahaha very entertaining article!

  13. k-way black jacket says:

    lol I’m that guy on the right.

  14. noSuchThingAsFreedom says:

    wow this just showa how much the morons of our generation will bust some1 with a plant that has not killed anyone, has not “destroyed braincells” or any negative effect that shows negative results…. fuck the police they only there to protect the rich and harrass the poor nothing else……. think about it!!!!!!!!!! to be honest if a ploice officer comes to my house ill simply kick his face in…my real right enables me to do so. shoot them U HAVE THE FUCKING RIGHT TO IF SOME1 burst into ur home. (THEY MUST MAKE CONTACT WITH U TO SAY THEY ARE COPS ATELAST. BTW i asked what is so wrong with dagga??????aqll they could say is how much they gona drink over the weekend. typical South African, no idea what the law enforces and what rights it violates, so long as the big boys(current black leader yes i sayd it im not racist) can steal the country dry but for the love of god dont smoke pot!

  15. Princess Puff says:

    ROTFL!!!!! Great piece Buzz! Hilarious!

  16. OscarGrouch says:

    to be honest if a ploice officer comes to my house ill simply kick his face in…my real right enables me to do so. shoot them U HAVE THE FUCKING RIGHT TO IF SOME1 burst into ur home.

    Any lawyer would quickly inform you of the ridiculousness of this claim. You have no righ t to kick a police officers face in, in the real world at least.

    so long as the big boys(current black leader yes i sayd it im not racist)

    If it’s not a racist issue, why mention race? It’s not like people spoke about George Bush, the current white leader, running the US into the ground, is it?

    Basically, the aggressive and uninformed attitude and tone conveyed by your post is not doing anything to shift the negative perceptions many people have towards marijuana. Rethink your approach and try again!

  17. Campster says:

    OscarGrouch said:

    to be honest if a ploice officer comes to my house ill simply kick his face in…my real right enables me to do so. shoot them U HAVE THE FUCKING RIGHT TO IF SOME1 burst into ur home.

    Any lawyer would quickly inform you of the ridiculousness of this claim. You have no righ t to kick a police officers face in, in the real world at least.

    so long as the big boys(current black leader yes i sayd it im not racist)

    If it’s not a racist issue, why mention race? It’s not like people spoke about George Bush, the current white leader, running the US into the ground, is it?
    Basically, the aggressive and uninformed attitude and tone conveyed by your post is not doing anything to shift the negative perceptions many people have towards marijuana. Rethink your approach and try again!

    Agree completely. We are going to have to fight this fight with intelligence and a rational argument not by disrespecting authority or “kicking their faces in.”
    Also i don’t know where people get these quotes about our penile system but you don’t have the right to shoot anyone even in your own home unless it’s in self defense. You can’t legally shoot someone for breaking and entering never mind a fucking police officer with a warrant.

  18. Bradley says:

    its so stupid how cops can arrest a stoner. I mean come on… Look at all the alcohol related deaths in this country… most of time you hear someone was under the influence of alcohol… you never heard someone made an accident high on mary jane…. just because smoke organic u want to arrest a guy.. yoh thats not irie.. So i suggest live a little and enjoy a blunt or three….

  19. kappyhush33 says:

    Hey you know growing under a sink would make auto-watering much easier…

    Stealth Kitchen grow here we come ;)

  20. tgif says:

    he he … life in SA from a puffers perspective. Enjoyed the read :-)

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